Guest Post by Annie White, Dating Coach and Matchmaker
I lost my voice 2 years ago. Not to laryngitis or anything. But, to foot-in-my-mouth-itis. I have very strong women in my family. They believe in straight talk, no chasers. Consequently, I was the same way. I damaged and/or destroyed soooo many relationships – because I had no regard for the way I was addressing people. After being so bruised up from so many confrontations, I started suppressing my opinions & thoughts. Which was better for others, but damaging for me.
Our voice is our instrument. When we don’t use it, we give people permission to hurt us and think we enjoyed it because of our silent compliance. If communication is a major problem in your relationship(s), schedule your complimentary introductory session here. Moreover, a critical component of self-esteem is self-assertiveness. If you’ve ever buried your truth out of fear, I want to share 3 very personal coaching points that I hope help you:
Speak your truth: There are so many women in dark places. Living loud lies and silent cries. The first way we learn to dishonor ourselves is by not telling the truth about what we feel, what we want & what we think. When you lie to yourself about what you need. You will eventually lie to others about the same things. Self-esteem resides in our confidence & ability to think & cope with the basic challenges of life. Conflict is an inevitable challenge of life. You display & develop self-esteem by communicating how you feel. Even if it causes conflict because it shows, “What I have to say matters. Regardless of what comes from my assertion, I can handle it.” Every time you don’t speak your truth, you devalue yourself.
Say it how you want to hear it: Understand that self-assertion is not belligerence or inappropriate aggressiveness. Rather it’s upholding your own needs & rights while being mindful of the rights and needs of others. Don’t make the mistakes I made, constantly complaining, condemning or criticizing people and things. Think before you Meek. But, don’t go to the other end of the spectrum and not say anything because you fear you’ll say the wrong thing. Say what needs to be said, when you need to say it, how you would want to hear it. Correct, don’t condemn.
Speak better over yourself to get better out of yourself: The reason it was so easy to talk crazy to other people is because it was easy to talk crazy to myself. If you’d call yourself stupid or a failure, of course you could call someone else that without hesitation. However, once I realized the power of life & death lie in my tongue. I started speaking to myself with more compassion & empathy. I stopped judging & criticizing myself all the time and in turn was able to be kinder to other people. Don’t take it personally when people talk to you recklessly. It’s more so a reflection of their relationship with themselves, not with you.
About Annie:
Annie White graduated magna cum laude from Howard University with a B.B.A. in Finance. Post-baccalaureate, she spent 5 years in corporate America working in IT for JP Morgan Chase and Accenture. Although her work was challenging and lucrative, it left her unfulfilled. SOS Daters was developed informally when Annie started matching and coaching people within her warm network. What began as a hobby, turned into a passion then an enterprise. In October 2013, she left her 9-7 and founded SOS Daters.
SOS Daters:
SOS Daters specializes in providing daters with all of the resources they need to find, get & keep self and romantic love. Love is the height of happiness. Therefore, choosing the right partner is life’s single most important challenge. After you find them, you have to develop certain skills to get the commitment and keep the love alive for a lifetime.
