By Karen McMahon
I used to think that if I was strong I shouldn’t need anyone’s support when I was going through a struggle. I would expect that I should be able to take care of it myself. This often led to me isolating. The other thing it led to was my problem becoming bigger and the solution more murky and distant. So then I would isolate more, feeling badly about myself and my inability to ‘handle’ things on my own; thus the problem continued to grow; it became a Catch 22, the more the problem grew the more I isolated.
The idea of support is to get it early. If we have been coached, been in therapy or in recovery, we most likely have grown and become more intuitive, wiser and stronger. We sometimes mistake this growth for having ‘arrived’, no longer needing support. The truth is we will need support on occasion. How much and what kind will change as we move along our path.
In 12 Step programs they encourage you to get a sponsor. This is a peer that has more ‘recovery’ than you who you can reach out to when you struggle. At first, most people are shy about asking for such support. When they find the right person and lean on them, sometimes they call weekly, sometimes daily and ultimately on occasion when they need a lifeline.
The beauty of seeking help as soon as you need it is two-fold. First, you are loving yourself enough to avoid the pain of the lonely struggle. Second, you are getting to see how quickly you rebound, gaining clarity, confidence and a certainty of what your next steps are as a result of all your previous work. In short, you get to rejoice in your growth as you see how rapidly you land back on your feed.
The danger in not seeking support as soon as you need it is that you can fall deeper into your struggles and the road back may be longer and harder than it need be.
Many of my clients coach with me weekly for months. When they feel they have experienced a sufficient amount of clarity, growth and consistent action in the right direction, they decide it is time to say goodbye, celebrating all they have accomplished. The smoothest transition is often to reduce from weekly sessions to bi weekly and then monthly sessions allowing a slow and steady awareness of how to navigate all that is before them. Many reach back on on the occasion when they could use a sounding board, or to recalibrate or when something tricky has temporarily thrown them for a loop.
All along the way we develop a healthier personal support network and learn to both rely on our friends and family as well as support them in return. It becomes a circle of giving and receiving, the type of healthy support that honors who we are and who we strive to become.
Love yourself and seek support immediately upon feeling lost, confused or uncertain. A single conversation with your coach, therapist or a healthy friend can put you right back on course, feeling clear and strong and ready to address the difficulties you are facing.
