Guest Post by Jennifer Safian, a divorce and family mediator
Divorce may be one of the biggest stresses in your life. Being prepared can possibly ease some of your anxieties.
Whether commencing a divorce action, embarking on a collaborative process, or going the mediation route, select a professional who can provide you with a good service.
Unless you have a very good referral source, ask around and/or search on the Internet to get several names. Call them up, read their websites, get a sense of how they proceed. Find someone sensitive to your case and whom you feel you can trust to help through this major life event affecting you and your family. Many professionals give a free consultation to help you assess which process is best for you.
3 Keys to Crafting a Successful Mediation Agreement
The mediation process requires that you and your spouse be fully invested as the two of you will be the ones who ultimately make all the decisions for your future lives.
1. Come to mediation prepared to listen and with an open mind:
You will most likely have different opinions on the way to resolve some of the issues at stake. Be prepared to talk about your preference, to explain the why of your choice. Listen attentively to your spouse’s opinion as well. If you disagree with your spouse, try not to jump at him/her while that person is talking. You will each get your turn to speak and the mediator will help you both fully understand what the other party is asking for. If your spouse is uncomfortable having you pick up your child at his/her house, there may be a reason, and until you fully understand the “why”, you will not be open to finding another solution.
2. Be prepared to compromise at times and show respect for the other party’s opinion despite the fact that you disagree completely!
If you and your spouse have very different opinions on one issue, chances are that there will have to be some negotiation and compromise on both sides. Take some, give some. Sometimes being a little more open and accepting on one issue will encourage your spouse to be more conciliatory on something that is more important to you.
3. Come to the table keeping in mind that you are here to work out the terms of your new life:
There was a time when you loved the person that you married. Now you are at odds and no longer able to continue your road together. There may be animosity, anger, disappointment but try to recall that not all is bad about this person. He/she is the parent of your children and you are both striving for a new and better beginning. If you feel that you failed at your marriage, try to succeed at your divorce. This may sound like a strange statement but just the mere fact of setting a positive note to your attitude may help you make better decisions, therefore allowing both of you to come out of the process with the satisfaction of knowing that you did the best you could under these very difficult circumstances.
It is my wish that all couples are able to come through feeling that although they might have had to give more than they initially wanted on some issues, they also got more on other issues, creating a balanced and equitable ending.
Jennifer Safian
Divorce and Family Mediator
1000 Park Avenue at 84th, New York, NY 10028
212 472 8626
www.SafianMediation.com
Jpsafian@gmail.com
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