Whenever we are in transition there is a sense of unease as if the ground beneath us is shifting. With the transition of divorce, there are many aspects of our lives changing such as our family structure, financial stability, social circle, housing situation and sometimes even our career.
- What if you shifted your focus to the effort you can put in each situation to arrive at your desired goal?
- In fact, what if you could make it all about the process and your effort?
- When you give something your full attention and best effort what happens?
- If you are totally present with each matter that you must address, how might that affect your experience as you go through your transition?
Surrender the outcome
We can only be expected to do our best. The rest is out of our hands.
When we are present and focused on our own efforts, our anxiety subsides. Why is that? Because we are focusing on the thing we do have control over, our effort.
I want to encourage you to completely focus on your effort as you navigate the upcoming months and year. Instead of your focus being on what your STBX is doing or your next court date or the final shared parenting schedule, focus your attention on what YOU CAN DO. The lessons you are learning, the choices you are making, the opportunities you are finding, the patience you are developing, the grace you are practicing. Focus on the effort you are consciously choosing to put into your life, every day.
The bottom line is that none of us have any control over the outcome. Olympic athletes train intensely for years to prepare for their big event. It is all about their effort leading up to and being present during their event. If their competitor does better, they have no control over that. The can only do their best.
The most successful athletes will tell you that when they are ‘in the zone’ they are never thinking about the outcome. They are completely focused on the present moment and giving it all their energy and attention. It is in those moments that they accomplish their most monumental achievements.
Look at your circumstances with new eyes and consider the effort you want to put in. If you don’t attain your goal, perhaps the value was in the journey. Look at what you have gained.
- What came out of giving 100% effort? How did you grow?
- What did you learn?
- What new relationships did you forge as a result?
When you think about adjusting your attention to the effort, how does that feel for you?
What resistance or ease comes with this shift of focus?
We would love to hear from you.
