What makes for a successful marriage? How do I fix my struggling marriage and rediscover the magic?
Responses to these questions are as varied as the individuals who ask them. However, they have a commonality. The person asking them is a person who is experiencing a struggling marriage, yet remains invested in experiencing a rewarding relationship, and at some level feels it is possible.
What’s possible has a lot to do with imagination and innovation. Einstein is quoted as saying a variation of, “you cannot solve a problem using the same thinking that created it”. If you are interested in experiencing the magic rather than the muck of interrelating with your spouse, and are unwilling to shift your thinking, you’ll be stuck in a repetitive pattern that is impossible to escape.
Unless you are in a physically or emotionally abusive relationship there may be a way, if you have the will. This way necessitates you to take stock of the following:
● What you respect about yourself
● What you respect about your spouse
● What you appreciate about yourself
● What you appreciate about your spouse
● How healthy and productive are your reactions are when something occurs that upsets you?
● How you could respond that is healthier and more productive?
● How mindful are you of what you say BEFORE you say it since once it leaves your mouth it can’t be taken back?
● What is more important to you, the past or the future?
The mind collects negative impressions. It’s a hard wired survival adaptation that is maladaptive for the long and complex lives we now live. Until we begin to consciously counter the negatives with the positives, we are stuck with a pattern that is neither beneficial nor constructive for ourselves, or our relationships.
Dr. Rick Hanson has an informative and engaging TED Talk on finding and accumulating “positive grapes” and changing our perception of ourselves and our world.
Getting beyond your martial problems is possible. It’s a process that takes inner work first and foremost. It’s time to clean up your side of the street so you can see the other side clearly. Until you do so, you are looking at your spouse through the filter of your garbage.
We all have garbage. You can all choose to own it and take it out, or wait for someone else to. When you do, you’re relationship has much better odds.
We offer a free questionnaire that will let you know if relationship counseling would benefit you, or if you should start seeking other alternatives such as separation or divorce. Click the link to find out. https://journeybeyonddivorce.com/what-is-divorce-coaching/
Lisa Brick, Journey Beyond Divorce Partner
Our team of coaches at Journey Beyond Divorce are passionate about helping men and women navigate the emotional difficulties of relationships, breakups and divorce. We work together with you to open the possibility that your current relationship challenges can lead to a rewarding voyage of self-discovery and an immensely more pleasing life experience. Together we create a path to clarity. Find out if Coaching is right for you, and accept my gift of one FREE session.
