By Karen McMahon
Two key relationship skills, according to Gary Chapman, are how to express love and how to process anger. Just because your love tank is filled does not mean that you will naturally handle your anger well.
The purpose of anger is to motivate us to take loving action but all too often we ourselves have learned to take destructive action in response to our anger.
Some people explode, others implode; neither is healthy. Dealing with a verbally abusive loved one or one that withdraws in silence is hurtful and damages the relationship.
So how can we foster a healthy conversation and healing when we or a loved one is angry? The best approach is to listen quietly to their angry explosion. Listening is a potent tool in conversation. It is important to avoid the desire to defend yourself at this point, your turn will come later.
After they have said all that they have to say, the real conversation can begin. It requires that you first acknowledge that you heard them and validate that what they feel makes sense given how they see the situation. Acknowledging and validating is the most powerful tool you have in any relationship. It disarms the angry person and enables you to move the conversation to the next level.
Now you can explain your perspective and state your desire to resolve the issue. You have moved through the anger in a healthy way and dissipated the emotional charge. You can now set out to resolve the issues. This part of the conversation still involves being open and listening to the other person in order to come to an agreed upon resolution.
How do you handle your anger? How do your loved ones handle theirs? What can you do to navigate angry moments to grow closer and build stronger relationships with the people you love?
Chief Visionary: Karen McMahon
Our team of coaches at JBD is passionate about helping men and women navigate the emotional difficulties of relationships, breakups and divorce. We work together with you to open the possibility that your current relationship challenges can lead to a rewarding voyage of self-discovery and an immensely more pleasing life experience. Together we create a path to clarity. Find out if Coaching is right for you, and accept my gift of one FREE session.
