By Lisa Brick
Downtime is a necessity for optimal mental functioning during life in general and especially during the rough passage of divorce.
Downtime is short periods of time during the day set aside consciously, without goals or objectives. During downtime there is nothing to do or accomplish of any import whatsoever.
Divorce adds immense stress to what has already been a rocky journey. Not only is the experience emotionally and financially painful, it demands time and attention from what is for most of us, an already full life. The idea of giving ourselves time off from responsibilities and accomplishing goals may sound preposterous when there is so much to do yet this is exactly what the mind needs to unwind and to give the brain space to sort itself out. This is what downtime is, space to allow our brains to recharge their batteries and reorganize.
We forget that each one of us is a community of trillions of cells organized into systems within our bodies. These cells have individual needs for well-being. When we ignore those needs we diminish our potential and our ability to be as clear and effective as we can be when we attend to those needs. Downtime is one of those needs, one often unrecognized and neglected.
Downtime need not be extensive. Twenty minutes scattered throughout the day in small portions can be sufficient. Giving yourself conscious permission to:
- turn away from the computer screen to gaze out the window for a minute,
- take 10 after a meeting to walk around the block,
- sit down to savor the warmth and flavor of a cup of tea without your phone or computer for 5,
- stop whatever you are concentrating on, close your eyes and focus on your breath for a minute
- excuse yourself from whatever you’ve been doing to step outside to feel the warmth of the sun on your skin for a few minutes, etc.
The above activities are simple, achievable ways to give yourself downtime during the day. As simple as these activities may seem, they can help your brain manage your divorce more effectively. These sample activities, and any others you can think of where you have no goal or objective other than to be and see and feel what is physically around you, are downtime.
Downtime is not spacing out or daydreaming in the middle of a task. A wandering mind is disruptive to accomplishing goals and therefore disruptive to your life. If you are finding yourself spacing out in the middle of conversations or in the midst of a project your brain is telling you it needs more TLC. It is not getting the rest and relaxation necessary for it to function effectively. Among other requirements like sufficient sleep, nourishment, and sufficient hydration, your brain needs downtime to organize efficiently. Your ability to think creatively, clearly, and effectively will be boosted by inviting your brain to relax for short periods of downtime every day.
Everyone, including you, has the capacity to set aside fifteen or twenty minutes during the day to tune out the hustle and bustle, the necessity to accomplish, the never ending ‘trying to figure out why, when, and how’ and to let the mind unwind and the brain reintegrate on its own. By doing so you can reinvigorate yourself and return to your tasks renewed. Try it. Make the challenging journey of divorce a bit easier on yourself.
Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint. It hurts like hell until it begins to hurt less and then hardly at all. Down the road, if you take advantage of the practices we share with you, you will come out stronger and healthier in mind and body than when you began. Take a simple step. Give yourself downtime. You won’t know the benefits you are missing out on unless you do! These little steps add up to a healthier and stronger you, in all circumstances.
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Lisa Brick, Journey Beyond Partner
Our team of coaches at JBD is passionate about helping men and women navigate the emotional difficulties of relationships, breakups and divorce. We work together with you to open the possibility that your current relationship challenges can lead to a rewarding voyage of self-discovery and an immensely more pleasing life experience. Together we create a path to clarity. Find out if Coaching is right for you, and accept my gift of one FREE session.
