By Lisa Brick
There are many times that, like you, our clients call in a total panic. Emotional sparks are flying everywhere, like the end of an electrical wire that has been severed by a tree limb crashing down and snapping it in a storm. There is nothing getting past the break. All of the person’s energy is spewing randomly, everything dark with nothing available to light their path forward. These moments feel radioactive, destructive, frightening.
Certain situations do not have immediate resolutions. When a spouse says alimony will be over their dead body, when the spouse says “I’ll drag you through the court system till you have nothing left”, when the children are crying and blaming you for ruining their lives now that you are living in a much smaller home (or with your parents/friends) and don’t have the same patience for their antics or their joy, when you’ve been told “it’s over. I am filing for divorce.”, when you look at the economics and realize that you do not know how you will survive (either on what your are getting or what you will be giving), etc. Divorce is rife with “nuclear moments” when emotions explode and your nervous system shorts out.
There is no quick fix for these situations, no immediate resolution, no “don’t worry, it’ll all be all right” because it isn’t and it may never be “all right” as you currently define “all right”. As a matter of fact, every inch of you is screaming “it is all wrong, this is all wrong and it shouldn’t be happening.”
Yet there is a way out in the moment…a way to reconnect the snapped wire so you can have light, heat, and electricity to see, think and act again, even in the absence of a resolution which will take exactly however much time it does, and the adaptation that occurs once the dust settles.
This way out is not to fix the external situation but to repair the inner short so you have your energy to navigate from here to the resolution, moment to moment, hour by hour, day by day. Divorce is a marathon. It is not a sprint.
You have to get out of your mind and into your body to repair these inner shorts, to reconnect both sides of the wire in the present so you have that energy to light your path into the future. There are multiple pathways to get out of your mind. I am offering a very accessible one, the guided meditation below. Feel free to either read it to yourself or listen to the recording on our website by clicking here.
Standing Meditation
Allowing Tension to Drip into the Floor -Transitioning into Peace
- stand up from a sitting position slowly and consciously, feeling your body adjust to gravity, your feet firmly on the floor distributing your weight
- begin allowing the tension in your mind to begin to drip down slowly using the following pathway: top of your skull, around your forehead, eyes, mouth, jaw, neck, shoulders, upper back and heart region, mid back and stomach, low back and intestines, groin, thighs, knees, calves, ,
- let all tension and thoughts drip like candle wax down through your body into your ankles and feet which will feel very heavy, like they are encased in cement
- weight yourself over your feet so all that heaviness is balanced between the front, back, and two sides of your feet. Lift and wiggle your toes so you know you are balanced in your sole/soul, no weight in the toes.
- allow the tension/heaviness to begin to ooze out of your ankles and feet into the floor, spreading away from you in the floor, dispersing in every direction
- take a few deep, relaxed easy breaths and remain here until your feet feel light
- sit back down slowly and consciously
- taste and feel the balance and peace you are experiencing
- consciously remind yourself that there is paths to resolution of these situations and that you will discover them
- reaffirm in your spirit that, situations can exist and there is a perfection in this exact moment
- be at peace and be open to the solutions that will/are arising for you to discover and utilize
Everyone navigating divorce feels nuclear at multiple junctures. Practicing repairing the psychic and emotional breaks and returning yourself to peace when there is no immediate resolution is a vital practice to maintaining your health and your ability to live life well during this extreme transitional phase in life. You will emerge…it is in your power to emerge healthy. If you would like more tools and support to do so please reach out to us for a complimentary coaching session to experience the power of having a coach support you during this journey.
Lisa Brick, Journey Beyond Partner
Our team of coaches at JBD is passionate about helping men and women navigate the emotional difficulties of relationships, breakups and divorce. We work together with you to open the possibility that your current relationship challenges can lead to a rewarding voyage of self-discovery and an immensely more pleasing life experience. Together we create a path to clarity. Find out if Coaching is right for you, and accept my gift of one FREE session.
