Take Full Personal Responsibility for your Words and Actions
When you get upset with your partner, first consider your part in the incident. How did I exacerbate the circumstances or how have I put myself in this situation by not setting healthy boundaries and sticking to them? If you hear yourself saying, “he hurt me so bad, it’s his fault that I…” or “I only said those things because she…”, remember that you are completely responsible for your actions and you always have choices.
No one can do something ‘to us’ without our consent. Figure out your part in the upset and work on yourself first. What is your lesson learned in this situation? What ‘button’ was pushed, where does it come from and why does it upset you so? Once you have learned your lesson, your angst will ease. Only at this point will you be able to respond instead of react to the situation. You will begin to communicate your needs, boundaries and concerns in a healthy manner. You will be serving yourself, your partner and the relationship better from this place of self reflection and thoughtful response.
At our core, we all desire to be loved. Acknowledging and validating our loved one is an amazing balm that soothes many misunderstandings. Respect and appreciation are the opposite of taking one for granted and a strong foundation upon which to build a relationship. And finally, your ‘conversations’ are not about the relationship, they are the relationship. Clear, candid communication is the mortar that binds together a strong relationship.
