Don’t make assumptions. We often react to our perception of our loved one’s actions or words and completely misinterpret their meaning. For instance, “If he loved me, he would take the trash out, it’s all I ask!”, or “the one night I watch sports with the guys she nags at me, she doesn’t appreciate all that I do…” In each of these statements, the speaker is looking for acknowledgement and validation. What might the person receiving these statements hear? Stop and question your interpretations.
Instead of talking about our feelings, we end up fighting over money, sex, chores or the kids. Yet, it is always how we feel that is at the core of the problem. If you talk things out candidly and focus on how you feel instead of the details of the situation, small upsets can turn into blessings; opportunities to communicate and grow closer.
Be completely present and listen to what your partner is saying – don’t be constructing your response while they speak. To make sure you understood them, repeat to your partner what you heard them say and ask them if you understood them correctly. Often what we hear and what the other person said are two different things. Reflecting back one’s words during a conversation helps to foster clear communication and deeper appreciation of one another.
