By Karen McMahon
Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional
It is easy to feel negative and down during your divorce process. While your feelings of fear, guilt, shame, anger, frustration and sadness are completely normal, they don’t have to consume you. Now you may say, “I can’t help it, that’s just how I feel.” What if I told you that you have the power to change how you feel at any given moment. It’s not always easy, but it is absolutely possible.
Divorce is a painful process, however if you find yourself suffering through every day, that is a choice that you have made.
Let me explain. Your feelings are directly affected by what you think. That’s right. You do not just feel a certain way. Your Thoughts Drive Your Feelings You feel the way you do because of what you choose to think about. Here is the key — we choose our thoughts; our thoughts make us feel a certain way; our feelings affect our actions. Since we have complete control over what we choose to think about, we thereby have control over how we choose to feel and therefore, how we act. Look at this example.
Have you ever been having a perfectly fine moment, perhaps busy in the midst of your workday tasks. Suddenly you think about the confrontation with your spouse that morning. You begin to play the tape of the argument over and over again in your head. Within no time you find yourself feeling angry, frustrated or upset. How are you acting now? How productive are you being? Think about it. In reality nothing has changed. You are still sitting at your desk, nothing happened, except what you chose to think about and how those thoughts affected your emotions and how your emotions then affect your actions.
This information is powerful. You can take yourself out of the role of victim and put yourself in control of your feeling. Again, you are going through a tough time and you will, of course, feel down at times, that makes sense. But now you can stop your suffering. Consciously choose thoughts that serve you better. Find the silver lining, the gifts in each day, your growth in each challenging situation. Make a commitment to yourself to consciously watched your thoughts this week. When you begin thinking about something that causes you angst, stop and change your thoughts to focus on something that serves you better.
If you have been suffering through your circumstances and see the power in controlling your thoughts, take a moment to comment, we want to hear from you. If there are topics you would like to see us cover, please ask and we will do our best.
Next topic: Choosing Thoughts That Serve You Better
Chief Visionary: Karen McMahon
Our team of coaches at JBD is passionate about helping men and women navigate the emotional difficulties of relationships, breakups and divorce. We work together with you to open the possibility that your current relationship challenges can lead to a rewarding voyage of self-discovery and an immensely more pleasing life experience. Together we create a path to clarity. Find out if Coaching is right for you, and accept my gift of one FREE session.
