Category Archives: Stages of Divorce

Finding My Way to Acceptance Through Cartwheels and Square Pegs

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By Karen Basmagy


My marriage, like so many others, had floundered for years. Alternating between trying to work on the relationship and then falling back into those comfortable dysfunctional places, I would become so discontent that in my struggle for a solution, I would read yet another self-help book to try to understand why I just couldn’t make the damn thing work. What was I missing? Where was I falling short?

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5 Ways to Feel Better About Divorce

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Guest Post By Amanda S. Trigg, Esq.


Divorce presents one of the most stressful situations that we endure and some attorneys will promise to make it easy. The truth is that even the best attorney has limited ability to do that. You, on the other hand, have the power to significantly improve your opportunities for a divorce that is easier on you and your children, shorter in duration and less expensive.

  1. Learn A Lot: What’s at stake? Not all money is created equal. Often, one spouse manages the money or knows more about the overall financial situation. Usually, that represents a reasonable division of responsibilities within the marriage and does not signify any real problem with financial management (but you can read a little more about this in my on-line blog post on adultery from April 7, 2014). If that was not your role in the relationship, take two steps. Continue reading

Faith & Surrender: An Invaluable Practice During Divorce

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By Karen McMahon


 

This article is not about religious beliefs, it is about a spiritual light in the darkness of the unknown.  It is about the practice of Faith and Surrender.

 

“None of us knows what might happen even the next minute, yet still we go forward. Because we trust. Because we have Faith.”

― Paulo Coelho, Brida

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My Ideal Partnership

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By Patty, A Journey Beyond Client


My ideal partnership is one that feels as easy and natural as floating around on a raft. Not driven by obligation or restricted by fear, or clouded with compromise.

Back to the positive…my ideal partnership is completely accepting and supportive of each other, truly listening unselfishly without judgment.  It includes encouraging and supporting each others’ goals and purpose for being and fully knowing each others’ past, present and dreams for the future. Continue reading

Finding Room for New Happiness

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Guest Post By Nancy Lay King


What is divorce like at 56 years old? I believe divorce at any age is devastating. It’s the absolute stopping point for believing in the idealism of a committed relationship, in my case, one that had existed for over half of my life. It is the loss of one identity while taking on another that is unknown; it feels like a huge, black void. When children are involved, even grown children, it is a sad change in the dynamics of a family for them and creates questions about what they believe about their parents and their family as a whole. Continue reading

Unearth Your Deepest Desires: An exercise in heart-centered new beginnings

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By Karen McMahon


During my years of coaching I have been fascinated at how often as adults we forget how to dream.  When asked what their ideal is where a job, relationship, home or life, clients more often than not, “I don’t know”.  When we dig deeper, most discuss what they don’t want and that is what they focus on.  When our attention is focused on the very thing we don’t want, we unconsciously manifest it.

 

What We Appreciate Appreciates!  What we focus our attention on grows! Continue reading

Time-In: A Practice for Creating a Life You Love Post Divorce

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By Lisa Brick


 

Reflective time or Time-In one of the seven vital wellness practices necessary to harness your brain to support you in designing and implementing an awesome life.  Time-In is the practice of setting aside a period of each day, be it a minute, ten minutes, or throughout the day, for conscious and focused mindfulness.  Mindfulness is the awareness of what is happening within you without attachment or judgement.  There are sensations, thoughts, feelings, memories that arise, all of which you observe rather than actively engage with.  Unlike other times where you follow thoughts, come to conclusions, choose an avenue of action, etc., during Time-In you observe what arises in your body and mind without following, fantasizing, or fixing.

 

Out of the seven practices for creating a post-divorce life you’ll love, Time-In is a cornerstone. Let’s look at why Time-In is so critical for creating a rewarding next chapter of your life and a few ways of practicing it.

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Stepping Out of Chaos: 3 Essentials to Surviving Divorce

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By Lisa Brick & Karen McMahon


What if the dissolution of a marriage could be a crash course in discovering outdated and limiting belief systems and thought patterns about life, love, relationships, family, and money and letting them go forever?

Would your pain have less sting and more promise if you could discover what you needed to learn about yourself that would allow you to experience the quality of life that you desire through the process of your divorce? Continue reading

Marriage Counseling - Mending Your Marriage NYC

Mending Your Marriage

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If  you are seeking marriage counseling consider the following:

How long it’s been since you were truly happy in your marriage? Has a sudden change in you or your spouse turned your marriage upside down and left you unsure of your future?

Below, we will examine the differences between marriage counseling and individual and couples coaching.

But first, if you are worried about the state of your marriage and are looking for support and direction for how to mend your marriage, keep reading…

5 Essentials for a Healthy Marriage

  1. Communication – Talk to each other alone intimately about your relationship (average couples spends 4 minutes a day on this!). It is a skill that you have to learn. Men and women communicate differently and you expect your partner to think the same way you do.
  2. Consideration – Pay attention to what your spouse says and feels. Treat each other with respect and consideration.
  3. Compromise – Unselfish, not demanding your way. Every marriage has conflict and there will be things you never agree on. The greater your difference the greater the potential for emotional growth and maturity. You need to compromise on issues ranging from kids, money, sexual intimacy, in-laws, and leisure time…
  4. Courtship – Romance, physical affection, fun, sex, time together to enjoy affection and attention toward each other. Keep courting! You have to keep on dating your spouse and keep the romance going. Make your relationship a priority and become best friends.
  5. Commitment – Be faithful. Throw out the option of divorce and make every effort to mend your relationship. Stand by your commitment and do everything possible to rebuild and revitalize your relationship. Commitment means being willing to be unhappy until you work it out; to be willing to go through the pain and struggle.

How do you measure up?

On a scale of 1 – 10 how do you rate YOUR role in each Essential listed above?

In order to embrace these 5 Essentials, you must first  take full responsibility for you part in the difficulties that arise.

Taking Responsibility for your part in the marriage

It is easy to know what your spouse’s fault in the challenges is, yet the true gift is in seeing your own perspectives and behaviors that are not working and focusing on transforming yourself so that you can reconnect  honoring your values and build a new foundation with two healthy co-independent, fully responsible individuals ready to create a dynamic, lasting partnership.

marriage counseling

What are your options to begin to Mend Your Marriage?

Marriage Counseling vs. Individual and Couples Coaching

If you are looking for a laser-like approach to revitalizing your relationship, coaching compared with traditional marriage counseling may be the perfect choice for you.  As coaches, we strategically guide you in understanding YOUR PART in the challenges you are facing in your marriage and coach you to become aware of the perspectives and behaviors that you have that are not working for you.  Typically, clients come to us seeing clearly their spouse’s part in the problem but don’t see so clearly their own.

While marriage counseling sessions are almost always with both husband and wife, working on how to communicate and work through issues together, we often suggest individual coaching FIRST.  Attempting to work on each individual’s issues with the other in attendance, is often a slow and cumbersome approach.

Imagine you have two parts that need mending before they can work as a whole.  Doesn’t it make sense to mend each  separately and then smoothly join them together for a smooth running whole?

Once you have each worked on your own issues in a supportive, nonjudgmental coaching environment, coming together as a couple to rebuild as partners occurs quickly and seamlessly.  Our suggestion is individual coaching followed by a few couple coaching sessions.

Couples coaching is different than marriage counseling

As coaches, we drill down into explicit issues that are causing a rub in the relationship, getting to the heart of the matter quickly and ending with an action plan for both individuals and couples.  This approach enables couples to move rapidly through the process, revitalizing their romantic relationship in a fraction of the time.

Client’s are rejoicing…

“I have worked with several therapists and life coaches over the years…None were effective. In 4 months of working with JBD, I have transformed my life…” ~ Angel

“In the midst of one of the most terrifying periods of my life…After one coaching conversation, I left with an action plan and small achievable goals that I was determined to achieve –  which I did. It really was like speed therapy!”

Check out our Resources Page

Here are a few  Blog Posts to get you started

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

Find out if coaching is right for you.  Take a quick survey and see if you are ready to make a positive and lasting change in your life.  Click here to begin.

Early Stages of Divorce & Coping with Divorce - NY - NJ

Early Stages Of Divorce

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ARE YOU HAVING A HARD TIME COPING WITH DIVORCE?

Blindsided by your spouse’s decision to leave or struggling with guilt, fear and uncertainty about your choice to divorce? If you are deep in pain, struggling with confusion or frustrated by your inability to focus, we can help you cope with divorce.

Many men and women trying to cope with divorce feel seriously overwhelmed by the vast array of changes that are before them.

Because divorce is a transition that touches every aspect of your life altering your finances, home, career, social circle and relationship with children, in-laws and friends, it can be immensely shocking to your system when you are first confronting and coping with divorce.

You may find yourself significantly less productive at work, unable to follow conversations, easily distracted, forgetful, less clear, more uncertain of things you typically are sure about, etc.  It is like a large database program is running in the background of your mind, slowing down all your day-to-day functioning.  Feeling like this, while certainly uncomfortable, is a natural reaction to coping with divorce.

Even the most levelheaded steady person can find themselves awash in emotions while coping with divorce

Coping with divorce is a lot like stepping into an emotional tornado you might experience sadness, fear, uncertainty, denial, anger, confusion, desperation, hopelessness, bitterness, insecurity and many more depleting emotions throughout a given day.

coping with divorce

When first coping with divorce, denial reigns as your psyche adjusts to the trauma of your unfolding circumstances.  After that, depression, anger, and bargaining rolls in and out of your head and heart.

Ultimately you want to touch upon acceptance and then begin to live into it. Acceptance is a process.  Even touching it momentarily is a good sign that you are headed in the right direction.

It is easy to become paralyzed when you are trying to figure out ALL the pieces at once!

Divorce scatters all the pieces of your life.  When coping with divorce, there is a tendency to think about all the shifting pieces simultaneously, trying to create some semblance of order.  Since here are many unknowns, thinking about all of the pieces…the past, the present and the future all at once can be mentally overwhelming  and paralyzing.

When coping with divorce, we recommend that you list all the areas you need to address and then commit to taking it one step at a time.  Looking at the big picture daily and getting overwhelmed will only serve to leave you frozen, unable to act or reactionary and making choices from a place of confusion and uncertainty that complicate the situation rather than defuse it.

We are here to help you cope with divorce

Divorce is painful.  The key is to stop creating additional pain and learn to navigate this stormy period with mastery. We coach you through three powerful steps of Awareness, Acceptance and Action so that you can unlock a very different and infinitely more pleasing life experience.

We help you to notice the perspectives and reactions you hold and engage in that have not benefited you and encourage you.  We encourage you to use the difficulty of divorce as an impetus to transform the way you cope with your divorce and life and to create an incredibly rich and fulfilling present and future.

We partner with you to strategically support you through your unfolding circumstances in a way that encourages and empowers you, enables you to move through the divorce process as quickly and effectively as possible while utilizing your divorce attorney in the most cost efficient manner possible.

We introduce you to approaches that allow you to assume ownership of your divorce process, act from responsiveness rather than re-activeness, and benefit from new perspectives that minimize contention and bitterness and allow for grace and dignity.

If you think you are ready to begin coping with divorce, take our Divorce Coaching Survey Now.

We will schedule your Complimentary Session upon receiving a score that represents your openness to begin coaching and transforming your life.  Learn more about Divorce Coaching and healthy ways to cope with divorce.

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

Check out our Resources Page


free ebook

Free eBook: “Navigating Divorce”

An easy-to-read guide, “Navigating Divorce: The Emotional, Financial and Legal Basics” offers a roadmap through the myriad of topics that you will be facing.

 

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