How Can I Help my Client STOP Complaining About His/Her Spouse?

ACKNOWLEDGE…

First, tell them that your hear their frustration and that it makes sense that they would find XX behavior upsetting

ASK…

How surprising is it that s/he would speak to you that way? …do that type of thing?  …act that way?  The answer is often…He/she ALWAYS does that…and it gets me so angry!!!  So Jack is being Jack again? Jill is showing up as Jill again?

INVITE…

Encourage them to stop resisting how their spouse shows up.  In other words, to accept them for who they are. Sounds simple but the impact is profound

SUGGEST….

Each time Jack shows up as uniquely Jack consider simply noticing his behavior.  Jack is being Jack.  Jill is being Jill. Of course they are.  See how this slight yet significant shift in perspective can release you of your upset.

RESULT…

Jack no longer has the power to upset you.  Jill no longer controls your ability to stay calm and focused. You don’t have to like how they act, but you can accept that they are who they are.