calm within the storm of divorce

By Lisa Brick

“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.
When something happens, the only thing in your power is your attitude toward it;
you can either accept it or resent it”
Epictetus, 55-135 AD

Present Moment Awareness is not some airy fairy New Age practice.  It is the eye of and the path to sanity during the hurricane of divorce.  

During divorce most everything that you didn’t have to think about becomes everything you are now being forced to think about,  in addition to all of the things that you had been thinking about!  If you are feeling crazy it’s because your mind is overwhelmed and shorting out.  You’re not crazy.  Your feelings are normal, totally uncomfortable yet completely normal as an initial experience to being struck by the hurricane of divorce.  It’s time to collect your support team and begin the work of moving your mind into Present Moment Awareness.   

Present Moment Awareness is a state of awareness where you recognize that your internal dialogue, the conversation you have with yourself in your head, is focusing in the past, the future, or on something you have no ability to change.

These internal conversations are dialogues about the following:
  • How people, places, and circumstances should be,
  • Who’s fault it is that they aren’t,
  • What you or others should have done differently or
  • Projecting an emotionally or financially impoverished future as if it is your for sure future.

While there is a time and place for reflection it is after you have met the demands divorce requires, not when they are confounding your brain while you are meeting them.

Benefits of Present Moment Awareness are many and include:
  • Freedom to focus on the thoughts, emotions, and actions that can move your life towards a resolution of your present circumstances and let the rest go
  • Enhanced awareness of what IS positive and healthy in your world and life
  • Greater clarity of mind and ability to be creative in your approaches to circumstances
  • Increases curiosity, gratitude, and appreciation
  • Big events / decisions become more manageable
  • Increased efficiency and self confidence

In most cases you can’t cancel a divorce, can’t return to how things were before you or your spouse broke your world.  Your present circumstances are in flux and will be in more flux until the dust settles and you are established again.  When and where that will be is an unknown.  You can take this truly weird and unsettling set of circumstances and make it easier or more complex. Making it more complex than it already is, not a wise way to proceed.  Making it simpler, very wise.  

How you use your mind determines which approach you’ll take. If you get support to interact in the present with Present Moment Awareness you will alleviate unnecessary suffering and expense for you and your loved ones. Contact us and let us support you into Present Moment Awareness and process your emotions in a manner that enhances your life rather than diminishes it.

Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.

Lisa Brick, Journey Beyond Partner

Lisa Brick

Our team of coaches at JBD is passionate about helping men and women navigate the emotional difficulties of relationships, breakups and divorce. We work together with you to open the possibility that your current relationship challenges can lead to a rewarding voyage of self-discovery and an immensely more pleasing life experience. Together we create a path to clarity. Find out if Coaching is right for you, and accept my gift of one FREE session.

  • Tamara McCaffrey

    I am a family law lawyer in Winnipeg with a wholistic approach to assisting clients, and I appreciate your articles and work. I would like to post the article about Mindfulness on my website. Do you know of anyone doing this kind of work in Winnipeg? Also, what does a coach usually charge if I wanted to recommend this service to a client?