Category Archives: Blog

musings of a recovering perfectionist

Musings of a Recovering Perfectionist

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By Karen McMahon


Perfectionism and divorce are a lethal combination.  We begin with an impossible task.  We are going to do this divorce thing right…the best…unfaltering.  What does that even mean?!

  • Make the best decisions
  • Handle everyone’s reaction perfectly
  • Say the right thing
  • Do the right thing…always
  • Pick the best attorney and expect perfection from him/her.
  • Negotiate the best deal
  • Be the perfect STBX…the perfect divorcing parent
    • no arguing,
    • no ‘bad’ choices,
    • no hurtful words spoken

OMG…as if divorce is not hard enough!!  We, the proud perfectionists of the world, will do this thing perfectly! Continue reading

calm within the storm of divorce

The Calm Within the Storm of Divorce

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By Lisa Brick


“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.
When something happens, the only thing in your power is your attitude toward it;
you can either accept it or resent it”
– 
Epictetus, 55-135 AD

Present Moment Awareness is not some airy fairy New Age practice.  It is the eye of and the path to sanity during the hurricane of divorce.   Continue reading

Judgement Vs Discernment

An Effective Alternative to Judgement During Divorce

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By Karen McMahon


I often coach my clients around the impact that being judgmental has on them, the people they interact with and their circumstances.  I invite them to be discerning rather than judgmental and have found that there is significant confusion around these two words, what they mean and what the difference is.

If you look up judgement and discernment in some dictionaries, you may read the exact same definition, so the confusion makes sense.  My intention is that this article brings clarity to the topic. Here are some definitions to get us started:

Judgmental:  Being censorious or critical; having or displaying an overly critical point of view.

Discerning: Having or revealing keen insight and good judgement; being judicious, wise, prudent or circumspect. Continue reading

Truest Voice

The Truest Voice You Can Listen to During Divorce

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By Karen McMahon


The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant.
We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.
~ Albert Einstein.

  • I was thinking about calling my brother. The phone rang.  It was my brother, an unusual time for him to be reaching out to me.    
  • I was struggling to find a solution to a problem.  I was considering and considering yet nothing was coming.  I decided to leave it be and attend to something else. Suddenly the answer popped into my head.
  • I had an intense reaction to someone I saw in a store, the hair on the back of my neck went up and my entire body went into a fight or flight reaction.  I left immediately to find out later that he held up the shop owner by gunpoint.

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Divorce Lifestyle Considerations

Divorce Lifestyle Considerations

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Guest Article By Aviva Pinto, CDFA™, Director, Bronfman E.L. Rothschild


Determining Where to File for Divorce

In most situations, you will file for a divorce in the state in which you and/or your spouse live. If you and your spouse own property in different states or you live apart, you might be able to select the state in which to file. In those situations, you and your attorney should evaluate the respective states’ divorce laws to determine the best choice. Among the items to consider are the length of time it will take to grant a divorce, the age of majority used in determining how long a parent is required to pay child support (for some states it is 18 and others it is 21), and filing and procedural rules, which can vary significantly. Continue reading

Financial Stress Coping

Divorce After 50 – Financial Mistakes to Avoid

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By Aviva Pinto, CDFA™, Director, Bronfman E.L. Rothschild


Divorce is a reality for a growing number of aging couples, a phenomenon commonly referred to as “gray divorce”. According to a 2013 study at Bowling Green State University, the divorce rate among adults ages 50 and older doubled between 1990 and 2010. Now, one in four Americans getting divorced is 50 or older. Continue reading

A Must Have App to Co-Parent With Ease

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By Lisa Brick


Do you break out in a sweat thinking about communicating with your ex? Resentment and hostility between parents is the norm after a contentious divorce. Communicating with your ex around custody schedules, medical issues, parenting approaches, and finances is loaded with emotion. Many of our clients, both male and female, break out in a sweat and experience their hearts pounding simply thinking about having to communicate with their ex let alone actually doing it. And now you have to co-parent together!   Continue reading

Media Multitasking During Divorce: Productive or Destructive?

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By Lisa Brick


Media Multitasking, as we tend to do it in the Information Age, is disrupting your ability to navigate divorce with grace and dignity.  The practice, as pervasive as it is, is hurting you by undermining your abilities to be calm and rational when it comes to communications with your yourself, your soon-to-be-ex (STBX), your attorney, and your children. Rather than a technique to boost efficiency, research indicates that media multitasking is actually a drain on the brain and therefore, a particularly nefarious practice during divorce.  

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Authentic Find Authenticity

Find Your Authenticity: To Thine Own Self Be True

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By Karen Basmagy


One of the wonderful things about my career choice is witnessing clients becoming more authentically themselves, usually after periods of great pain, loss and change. They come to the coaching relationship “stuck” and without a real sense of direction or plan, or feel consumed by their emotions.  Within a very short time, they are moving themselves forward, creating a vision and taking steps towards creating a new reality for themselves.
 
For many, it is the first time in their adult lives that they are truly exploring what makes them happy, what gives them joy, and where they have compromised their values or perhaps lost parts of themselves along life’s path. Continue reading

Is Your Spouse a Psychopath? Dos and Don’ts When Divorcing

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By Lisa Brick


 

There are numerous reasons a relationship unravels.  The majority of them are due to a growing incompatibility of values and lifestyle choices.  In some cases the reason is considerably deeper and darker.  While these reasons are the exceptions rather than the rule, they are often if not always the cause of the most painful, emotionally devastating, and contentious divorces.  In this article I will discuss aspects of being married to a physically nonviolent psychopath.   Continue reading