Category Archives: In Midst and Overwhelmed

In the middle of the divorce process and overwhelmed with anger, fear, bitterness, uncertainty, confusion, worry.

De-escalate Divorce During the Holidays

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By Lisa Brick


This is the Holiday Season, the season that bombards us with songs of peace on earth and goodwill to humanity and images of happy, laughing families and perfect gifts to buy and receive. Rather than being able to retreat to a cave to figure yourself out and how you got where you are, you’re thrown into planning and appearing in social situations where conversations can go from neutral to crucial in the blink of an eye, destroying anything enjoyable.

This season can be different because you can be different.   Continue reading

calm within the storm of divorce

The Calm Within the Storm of Divorce

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By Lisa Brick


“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.
When something happens, the only thing in your power is your attitude toward it;
you can either accept it or resent it”
– 
Epictetus, 55-135 AD

Present Moment Awareness is not some airy fairy New Age practice.  It is the eye of and the path to sanity during the hurricane of divorce.   Continue reading

Judgement Vs Discernment

An Effective Alternative to Judgement During Divorce

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By Karen McMahon


I often coach my clients around the impact that being judgmental has on them, the people they interact with and their circumstances.  I invite them to be discerning rather than judgmental and have found that there is significant confusion around these two words, what they mean and what the difference is.

If you look up judgement and discernment in some dictionaries, you may read the exact same definition, so the confusion makes sense.  My intention is that this article brings clarity to the topic. Here are some definitions to get us started:

Judgmental:  Being censorious or critical; having or displaying an overly critical point of view.

Discerning: Having or revealing keen insight and good judgement; being judicious, wise, prudent or circumspect. Continue reading

Truest Voice

The Truest Voice You Can Listen to During Divorce

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By Karen McMahon


The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant.
We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.
~ Albert Einstein.

  • I was thinking about calling my brother. The phone rang.  It was my brother, an unusual time for him to be reaching out to me.    
  • I was struggling to find a solution to a problem.  I was considering and considering yet nothing was coming.  I decided to leave it be and attend to something else. Suddenly the answer popped into my head.
  • I had an intense reaction to someone I saw in a store, the hair on the back of my neck went up and my entire body went into a fight or flight reaction.  I left immediately to find out later that he held up the shop owner by gunpoint.

Continue reading

Divorce Lifestyle Considerations

Divorce Lifestyle Considerations

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Guest Article By Aviva Pinto, CDFA™, Director, Bronfman E.L. Rothschild


Determining Where to File for Divorce

In most situations, you will file for a divorce in the state in which you and/or your spouse live. If you and your spouse own property in different states or you live apart, you might be able to select the state in which to file. In those situations, you and your attorney should evaluate the respective states’ divorce laws to determine the best choice. Among the items to consider are the length of time it will take to grant a divorce, the age of majority used in determining how long a parent is required to pay child support (for some states it is 18 and others it is 21), and filing and procedural rules, which can vary significantly. Continue reading

Media Multitasking During Divorce: Productive or Destructive?

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By Lisa Brick


Media Multitasking, as we tend to do it in the Information Age, is disrupting your ability to navigate divorce with grace and dignity.  The practice, as pervasive as it is, is hurting you by undermining your abilities to be calm and rational when it comes to communications with your yourself, your soon-to-be-ex (STBX), your attorney, and your children. Rather than a technique to boost efficiency, research indicates that media multitasking is actually a drain on the brain and therefore, a particularly nefarious practice during divorce.  

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Is Your Spouse a Psychopath? Dos and Don’ts When Divorcing

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By Lisa Brick


 

There are numerous reasons a relationship unravels.  The majority of them are due to a growing incompatibility of values and lifestyle choices.  In some cases the reason is considerably deeper and darker.  While these reasons are the exceptions rather than the rule, they are often if not always the cause of the most painful, emotionally devastating, and contentious divorces.  In this article I will discuss aspects of being married to a physically nonviolent psychopath.   Continue reading

How to Choose a Divorce Attorney: Common Mistakes

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Guest Post By Susan Reach Winters, Esq. and Lindsey M. Housman, Esq.*


Choosing a divorce attorney can be nerve-racking and stressful. Since selecting the right (or wrong) attorney to guide you through the divorce process can have a substantial effect on the rest of your life, it is a decision that should not be taken lightly.

While many people may give you suggestions as to what to look for in an attorney, it is important to be aware of the common pitfalls and mistakes in the selection process. Following are a few considerations for you to keep in mind as you begin your search.

“One size doesn’t fit all.” Continue reading

5 Ways to Feel Better About Divorce

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Guest Post By Amanda S. Trigg, Esq.


Divorce presents one of the most stressful situations that we endure and some attorneys will promise to make it easy. The truth is that even the best attorney has limited ability to do that. You, on the other hand, have the power to significantly improve your opportunities for a divorce that is easier on you and your children, shorter in duration and less expensive.

  1. Learn A Lot: What’s at stake? Not all money is created equal. Often, one spouse manages the money or knows more about the overall financial situation. Usually, that represents a reasonable division of responsibilities within the marriage and does not signify any real problem with financial management (but you can read a little more about this in my on-line blog post on adultery from April 7, 2014). If that was not your role in the relationship, take two steps. Continue reading

Divorce Overwhelm – A Grounding Practice When You Short Circuit

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By Lisa Brick


 

There are many times that, like you, our clients call in a total panic. Emotional sparks  are flying everywhere, like the end of an electrical wire that has been severed by a tree limb crashing down and snapping it in a storm.   There is nothing getting past the break. All of the person’s energy is spewing randomly, everything dark with nothing available to light their path forward.  These moments feel radioactive, destructive, frightening.   Continue reading