Category Archives: Early Stages and Afraid

In early stage and stuck, afraid, angry and at times paralyzed by the change, the unknown. Resistant to the fact that this is happening.

Domestic Violence Signs

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How you can help someone with domestic violence signs?

domestic violence signs

October is Domestic Abuse Awareness Month. Awareness being the operative word. That said, I wanted to share a personal story about domestic violence, and how you can help yourself or someone else. 


I was starting out as a young acupuncturist in Cambridge, Massachusetts when Eleanor, a lovely young woman in her mid twenties, came in to see me.  She complained of headaches.  Over the six week I treated her headaches I noticed bruises of varying colors on her arms, legs, and torso.  When I asked about them she offhandedly mentioned that she and her fiancé fought.  The bruises were byproducts of those fights. Eleanor explained that they hit each other when arguments got heated, which they often did.  Curious, I asked how she felt about the damage they inflicted on each other.  Her response was “if we did not get mad enough to hit each other it would mean we didn’t love each other.”  My response, “where did you get that idea from?”  Hers, “this is how my parents relationship was and they’ve been together for 28 years.” The behavior she was both experiencing and engaged in was what she was accustomed to. It was her norm.  

This is just one of the examples of domestic violence. What is your norm and how can you change it? How do you leave if you are told you’re told you or your children will be ruined, hurt, or killed if you try? How do you leave if you feel worthless, helpless, and pitiful? Fear, self-loathing, and exhaustion, while powerful barriers to freedom, are the very restraints keeping you captive. As hard as it will be, you do have the power to break them.

Domestic violence is physically, emotionally and spiritually damaging.  Leaving an abusive relationship without support, powerful support, is difficult at best, impossible at worst. The National Domestic Violence Hotline and  Center Against Domestic Violence can help you with temporary housing and financial guidance. Journey Beyond Divorce is here to help you create your plan, process the emotions, and support you in emerging from domestic abuse a renewed, strong, and confident person. There is help. There is support.  Reach out to our certified relationship coaches for free today  

If you or your childrens’ lives are in immediate physical danger, please call 911 or contact your local emergency services.

Lisa Brick, Journey Beyond Divorce Partner

Lisa Brick

Our team of coaches at Journey Beyond Divorce are passionate about helping men and women navigate the emotional difficulties of relationships, breakups and divorce. We work together with you to open the possibility that your current relationship challenges can lead to a rewarding voyage of self-discovery and an immensely more pleasing life experience. Together we create a path to clarity. Find out if Coaching is right for you, and accept my gift of one FREE session.

Saving a Struggling Marriage Advice

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What makes for a successful marriage? How do I fix my struggling marriage and rediscover the magic?

Responses to these questions are as varied as the individuals who ask them. However, they have a commonality. The person asking them is a person who is experiencing a struggling marriage, yet remains invested in experiencing a rewarding relationship, and at some level feels it is possible.

Struggling Marriage Advice

What’s possible has a lot to do with imagination and innovation. Einstein is quoted as saying a variation of, “you cannot solve a problem using the same thinking that created it”. If you are interested in experiencing the magic rather than the muck of interrelating with your spouse, and are unwilling to shift your thinking, you’ll be stuck in a repetitive pattern that is impossible to escape.

Unless you are in a physically or emotionally abusive relationship there may be a way, if you have the will. This way necessitates you to take stock of the following:

● What you respect about yourself
● What you respect about your spouse
● What you appreciate about yourself
● What you appreciate about your spouse
● How healthy and productive are your reactions are when something occurs that upsets you?
● How you could respond that is healthier and more productive?
● How mindful are you of what you say BEFORE you say it since once it leaves your mouth it can’t be taken back?
● What is more important to you, the past or the future?

The mind collects negative impressions. It’s a hard wired survival adaptation that is maladaptive for the long and complex lives we now live. Until we begin to consciously counter the negatives with the positives, we are stuck with a pattern that is neither beneficial nor constructive for ourselves, or our relationships.

Dr. Rick Hanson has an informative and engaging TED Talk on finding and accumulating “positive grapes” and changing our perception of ourselves and our world.

Getting beyond your martial problems is possible. It’s a process that takes inner work first and foremost. It’s time to clean up your side of the street so you can see the other side clearly. Until you do so, you are looking at your spouse through the filter of your garbage.

We all have garbage. You can all choose to own it and take it out, or wait for someone else to. When you do, you’re relationship has much better odds.

We offer a free questionnaire that will let you know if relationship counseling would benefit you, or if you should start seeking other alternatives such as separation or divorce. Click the link to find out.

Lisa Brick, Journey Beyond Divorce Partner

Lisa Brick

Our team of coaches at Journey Beyond Divorce are passionate about helping men and women navigate the emotional difficulties of relationships, breakups and divorce. We work together with you to open the possibility that your current relationship challenges can lead to a rewarding voyage of self-discovery and an immensely more pleasing life experience. Together we create a path to clarity. Find out if Coaching is right for you, and accept my gift of one FREE session.

10 things to consider before filing

10 Things to Consider Before Filing for Divorce

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By Lisa Brick

Ask yourself: Are you doing this?

Fast food, online shopping, and even drive-through weddings. It’s becoming easier and faster to do almost anything in the world today. Unfortunately, our quick and easy culture does not yet apply to divorce. The divorce process is still a long, difficult road.  But if it is the right decision for you, there are ways to make the journey easier. As with any major decision, there are things to prepare before you begin. You will be dealing with confusing emotions while trying to make decisions that will affect you for years to come.  Preparation is key.

You need to be mentally and financially prepared for new living arrangements, new daily routines, and all kinds of decisions about property and money. Continue reading

Stay Home Mom Survive Divorce Financially

5 Survival Tips for Divorcing Stay-at-Home Moms

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By Lois Brenner, Divorce Attorney

*Original title: Are you a Stay-at-Home Mom? Are you wondering how you are going to survive your divorce financially?

There are many women who married young or gave up lucrative careers to have children once they were married. They often spend most of their marriage helping to support and in some cases build their husband’s careers/businesses in the best interest of the family.

But what happens when divorce comes knocking at your door? Continue reading

calm within the storm of divorce

The Calm Within the Storm of Divorce

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By Lisa Brick

“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.
When something happens, the only thing in your power is your attitude toward it;
you can either accept it or resent it”
Epictetus, 55-135 AD

Present Moment Awareness is not some airy fairy New Age practice.  It is the eye of and the path to sanity during the hurricane of divorce.   Continue reading

Judgement Vs Discernment

An Effective Alternative to Judgement During Divorce

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By Karen McMahon

I often coach my clients around the impact that being judgmental has on them, the people they interact with and their circumstances.  I invite them to be discerning rather than judgmental and have found that there is significant confusion around these two words, what they mean and what the difference is.

If you look up judgement and discernment in some dictionaries, you may read the exact same definition, so the confusion makes sense.  My intention is that this article brings clarity to the topic. Here are some definitions to get us started:

Judgmental:  Being censorious or critical; having or displaying an overly critical point of view.

Discerning: Having or revealing keen insight and good judgement; being judicious, wise, prudent or circumspect. Continue reading

Truest Voice

The Truest Voice You Can Listen to During Divorce

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By Karen McMahon

The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant.
We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.
~ Albert Einstein.

  • I was thinking about calling my brother. The phone rang.  It was my brother, an unusual time for him to be reaching out to me.    
  • I was struggling to find a solution to a problem.  I was considering and considering yet nothing was coming.  I decided to leave it be and attend to something else. Suddenly the answer popped into my head.
  • I had an intense reaction to someone I saw in a store, the hair on the back of my neck went up and my entire body went into a fight or flight reaction.  I left immediately to find out later that he held up the shop owner by gunpoint.

Continue reading

Divorce Lifestyle Considerations

Divorce Lifestyle Considerations

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Guest Article By Aviva Pinto, CDFA™, Director, Bronfman E.L. Rothschild

Determining Where to File for Divorce

In most situations, you will file for a divorce in the state in which you and/or your spouse live. If you and your spouse own property in different states or you live apart, you might be able to select the state in which to file. In those situations, you and your attorney should evaluate the respective states’ divorce laws to determine the best choice. Among the items to consider are the length of time it will take to grant a divorce, the age of majority used in determining how long a parent is required to pay child support (for some states it is 18 and others it is 21), and filing and procedural rules, which can vary significantly. Continue reading

Financial Stress Coping

Divorce After 50 – Financial Mistakes to Avoid

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By Aviva Pinto, CDFA™, Director, Bronfman E.L. Rothschild

Divorce is a reality for a growing number of aging couples, a phenomenon commonly referred to as “gray divorce”. According to a 2013 study at Bowling Green State University, the divorce rate among adults ages 50 and older doubled between 1990 and 2010. Now, one in four Americans getting divorced is 50 or older. Continue reading

Media Multitasking During Divorce: Productive or Destructive?

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By Lisa Brick

Media Multitasking, as we tend to do it in the Information Age, is disrupting your ability to navigate divorce with grace and dignity.  The practice, as pervasive as it is, is hurting you by undermining your abilities to be calm and rational when it comes to communications with your yourself, your soon-to-be-ex (STBX), your attorney, and your children. Rather than a technique to boost efficiency, research indicates that media multitasking is actually a drain on the brain and therefore, a particularly nefarious practice during divorce.  

Continue reading