Blog – Divorce Articles, Tips & Advice

Stepping Out of Chaos: 3 Essentials to Surviving Divorce

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By Lisa Brick & Karen McMahon

What if the dissolution of a marriage could be a crash course in discovering outdated and limiting belief systems and thought patterns about life, love, relationships, family, and money and letting them go forever?

Would your pain have less sting and more promise if you could discover what you needed to learn about yourself that would allow you to experience the quality of life that you desire through the process of your divorce? Continue reading

financial stress

Senior’s Financial Stress Coping Guide

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Guest Post By Jenny Holt

Divorce is one of the leading causes of financial stress in seniors along with health, downsizing, and taxes.

Financial stress is compounded by the relative reduction in financial options, especially for those of retirement age and older. Stress can manifest itself physically and mentally as lethargy, anxiety, chest pains, headaches, insomnia, and upset stomachs. Long term this can lead to a cluster of health and depression issues.

It is important, therefore, to find coping mechanisms to deal with these issues. These can be split into two:

The first one is naturally to work with family and financial institutions to address the financial challenges caused by divorce. Of course, amicable and fair settlements are best for both parties in terms of both finances and well-being.

The second one is to adjust diets and exercise routines in order to reduce the effects of stress and to produce a clearer mind for dealing with the problem as a whole.

You can find a vast array of information on this topic here: Financial Stress Coping Guide for Seniors.

Loneliness, lonely

Loneliness: The Hidden Gift Behind The Pain

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Guest Post By Halina Goldstein

Do you ever say, to anyone, “I’m lonely”? How does it feel, not saying it, or saying it?

If you’re like most divorced people, you do feel lonely, at least some of the time. And you are not proud of it. You may even feel ashamed, as if it was your fault, as if something was wrong with you. Even if it’s not.

Whether we are aware of it or not, and whether we admit it or not, loneliness is part of life. For some, it’s a passing phase that is experienced through certain stages of life, such as divorce. For others (every third American, for example), it’s part of life as such. It never goes completely away. And yet, we’re not supposed to talk about it.

In Mother Teresa’s words, “Loneliness is the leprosy of modern times.” We are afraid of it as if it were contagious.

And so, because no one talks about it, the natural reaction towards loneliness is to pretend it’s not there, to hide it and to resist it.

If you’re like most of us, you have tried to resist loneliness too. Perhaps by keeping yourself busy with work or chores. Perhaps by numbing your feelings with food, or TV.

If you have, you know that none of it works.

As you resist, loneliness persists.

And, in a sense, that’s a good thing. It’s a good thing that loneliness is still here, because it actually comes with a gift, a lesson, a discovery. And life won’t let you off the hook until you have accepted the lesson and received the gift that follows.

So what is that you need to learn, you may wonder?

Because, at first sight, loneliness seems easy to understand: You’re alone, your ex is no longer there, perhaps you have lost your friends too, perhaps you’re in a new environment because you had to move. No wonder you’re lonely.

But there is more to loneliness than what is immediately visible.

In fact, loneliness is a very old friend of yours, even if you may not recognize it as such. Loneliness has been with you most of your life. It’s just that it’s been hiding.

80% of teenagers feel lonely. We know that much. What we don’t know is how many even younger children feel it, and what happens with that feeling as they grow up. Apparently, it shows up in teenage years again, and then at countless other occasions. Such as divorce.

But what if we knew it? What if, when loneliness emerged, you knew where it really came from and who or what you were really longing for?

What if you could really understand, really, that your heart was broken long before the divorce (and before the marriage too)? Then you’d have a chance to heal that broken heart for good.

This is important.  If you don’t heal that fundamental cause of loneliness within, it will stay with you and be with you in your next relationship too.  It will cause you trouble.

Plus, there is such value in healing a broken heart. Here’s how Emily McDowell put it into words:

“In Japan, broken objects are often repaired with gold. The flaw is seen as a unique piece of the object’s history, which adds to its beauty. Consider this when you feel broken.”

Healing that original crack in your heart and turning it to gold starts by being willing to see it like it is. It really is like contemplating a vase or cup. You look at it and then you discover a crack. But the crack didn’t happen the moment you looked at it – it’s been there for a long time. Now that you are seeing it you can appreciate it and you can repair it with the gold of your love and your awareness.

And that is the ultimate gift of loneliness – that it cannot only take you to the original wound, but also to the source of love inside you. When you have found the love and the joy in your heart and have learned how to keep it flowing, loneliness’s job is done and it disappears forever, giving you the freedom to connect with others in new and loving ways as well.

That’s how it works – and it’s a journey. Download here a free gift for the journey called “Unwinding loneliness.” It’s designed to help you take a gentle look at that crack causing you to feel lonely.

Halina Goldstein is a Loneliness To Love Mentor, working with women who feel deeply lonely after a divorce. Halina helps them effortlessly connect with people who will love, appreciate and support them. Halina is also the founder of Solo Souls, dedicated to turning loneliness to love and joy.

Acting from Commitment

Take Action When Acting From Commitment

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By Lisa Brick

Anger and fear…two strong emotions showing up in spades, especially since the election in November. Now, more than any other time in my life, is when slowing my reactions, feeling my feelings, and discerning between what is and what I fear is vital. It is up to me to remain crystal clear on what is important to me and how to best advocate for it.

When I, when any of us, react in fear or anger situations get muddier, not clearer. By all means take action, yet wait until you are communicating from clarity and acting from commitment rather than in fight or flight mode.

There is an immense amount at stake NOW regardless of what happens in the future.

Consider taking on this commitment for yourself:

I am committed to keep now as clear and clean as possible and being conscious of the beauty and love around me while being engaged and proactive emotionally, socially and politically.

If you lose track of what is promising and beautiful because of fear and ugliness you’ve lost and become part of the ugliness. If you  ignore the ugliness and pretend everything is beautiful you are foolish. Keeping that balance, being aware of both and appreciative of that which nourishes is vital for both well-being and being effective.

Here’s to efficacy and balance as we advocate for the society we are committed to living in….may the Force be with us all.

Lisa Brick, Journey Beyond Partner

Lisa Brick

Our team of coaches at JBD is passionate about helping men and women navigate the emotional difficulties of relationships, breakups and divorce. We work together with you to open the possibility that your current relationship challenges can lead to a rewarding voyage of self-discovery and an immensely more pleasing life experience. Together we create a path to clarity. Find out if Coaching is right for you, and accept my gift of one FREE session.

What do you Choose to be?

Who Do You Choose To Be?

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By Carrie Doubts

The historic Women’s Marches that took place all over our country last weekend were inspiring and thought-provoking to me personally. Looking at the photos and posts on Facebook, one sign grabbed my attention more than the rest. It read, “Make America Kind Again.” Wow. That’s my vision for what is possible for our country as we move forward from January 20, 2017. Continue reading

handling holidays post-divorce

Handling the Holidays as a Post-Divorce Parent

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Guest Post by Katie Vessel on the Elephant Journal

This last holiday season was hard.

This was the second round of holidays after what was a difficult divorce, following an even more difficult marriage.

Things have been processed for the most part, about as processed as they can be at this point. I have moved on with my life in many healthy ways, have discovered and renewed passions that have been in my blood since I was a young girl, have made many soul friends and am truly enjoying my life on the other side of what was nothing short of a life-changing experience.

But, something was different this year. Continue reading

De-escalate Divorce During the Holidays

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By Lisa Brick

This is the Holiday Season, the season that bombards us with songs of peace on earth and goodwill to humanity and images of happy, laughing families and perfect gifts to buy and receive. Rather than being able to retreat to a cave to figure yourself out and how you got where you are, you’re thrown into planning and appearing in social situations where conversations can go from neutral to crucial in the blink of an eye, destroying anything enjoyable.

This season can be different because you can be different.   Continue reading

10 things to consider before filing

10 Things to Consider Before Filing for Divorce

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By Lisa Brick

Ask yourself: Are you doing this?

Fast food, online shopping, and even drive-through weddings. It’s becoming easier and faster to do almost anything in the world today. Unfortunately, our quick and easy culture does not yet apply to divorce. The divorce process is still a long, difficult road.  But if it is the right decision for you, there are ways to make the journey easier. As with any major decision, there are things to prepare before you begin. You will be dealing with confusing emotions while trying to make decisions that will affect you for years to come.  Preparation is key.

You need to be mentally and financially prepared for new living arrangements, new daily routines, and all kinds of decisions about property and money. Continue reading

Stay Home Mom Survive Divorce Financially

5 Survival Tips for Divorcing Stay-at-Home Moms

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By Lois Brenner, Divorce Attorney

*Original title: Are you a Stay-at-Home Mom? Are you wondering how you are going to survive your divorce financially?

There are many women who married young or gave up lucrative careers to have children once they were married. They often spend most of their marriage helping to support and in some cases build their husband’s careers/businesses in the best interest of the family.

But what happens when divorce comes knocking at your door? Continue reading

musings of a recovering perfectionist

Musings of a Recovering Perfectionist

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By Karen McMahon

Perfectionism and divorce are a lethal combination.  We begin with an impossible task.  We are going to do this divorce thing right…the best…unfaltering.  What does that even mean?!

  • Make the best decisions
  • Handle everyone’s reaction perfectly
  • Say the right thing
  • Do the right thing…always
  • Pick the best attorney and expect perfection from him/her.
  • Negotiate the best deal
  • Be the perfect STBX…the perfect divorcing parent
    • no arguing,
    • no ‘bad’ choices,
    • no hurtful words spoken

OMG…as if divorce is not hard enough!!  We, the proud perfectionists of the world, will do this thing perfectly! Continue reading

calm within the storm of divorce

The Calm Within the Storm of Divorce

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By Lisa Brick

“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.
When something happens, the only thing in your power is your attitude toward it;
you can either accept it or resent it”
Epictetus, 55-135 AD

Present Moment Awareness is not some airy fairy New Age practice.  It is the eye of and the path to sanity during the hurricane of divorce.   Continue reading